The Ordinary Stomatopod [Part 1]

One spectacular day in late 2007 (it was December the 2nd, if you're interested), a good number of fascinating things were occuring simultaneously in drastically different locations.

The first: iconic French singer Johnny Hallyday was contemplating retirement.

The second: an ordinary stomatopod was also contemplating Johnny Hallyday's retirement.

(You see, this stomatopod was a clairvoyant, and, unbeknownst to Hallyday, it was sifting through the tumult in his mind as he wrestled with his future.)

The third: elsewhere, some clairvoyant redcoats were confusedly contemplating the ordinary stomatopod's contemplation.

"If he's an ordinary stomatopod," reasoned one, "then surely he'd not be clairvoyant?"

"I see what you mean," replied the other, "but suppose, perhaps, that all stomatopods are clairvoyant? Then he'd still be ordinary."

"It's possible," mused the first, "but how can we know?"

The fourth: a clairvoyant singing octopus head was contemplating the contemplations of the redcoats.

Being a singing octopus head as it was, it knew, of course, that the second redcoat was correct and that all stomatopods were, in fact, clairvoyant.

It had no interest in informing them, however. It was busy.

AND SO

In regards to the story being told here, only the first two occurances are of any import.

The ordinary stomatopod, as I will have you know, had a lot riding on Hallyday’s retirement. A few years prior, during the annual stomatopod clairvoyance contest, the question of Hallyday’s retirement had come up in the semifinal match between the ordinary stomatopod and his arch rival, another ordinary stomatopod. They have a thing for pronoun ambiguity.

Our hero, the ordinary stomatopod, looked into the hazy future and bet his archrival, the ordinary stomatopod, that Hallyday would retire on the third of December of 2007. As you will recall, our present story takes place on the second of December of 2007. Am I getting through to you here? This is important.

The moment of reckoning was fast approaching, and the ordinary stomatopod could still not quite make out the details of December 3rd. The future was ever-hazy, and Hallyday’s retirement was unsure. The ordinary stomatopod refused to leave things to fate. He would not suffer the embarrassment and shame of losing his bet with the ordinary stomatopod. His ordinary reputation was at stake. He would FORCE Hallyday to retire.

AND SO

The ordinary stomatopod set in motion a grand series of events that would shake the very foundations of our little earth.

TO BE CONTINUED