Bosstrich & The Rocktopodes

One day, it so happened that each and every atom in the universe conspired to something great. "Let us, with our combined glory, produce something the likes of which will never again be seen, in all the trillions of billions of years that this universe has yet to live," they said. Each atom gave a little shiver in anticipation of their triumph, and the energy involved was that of one hundred million billion supernovae.

And so it was that the Bosstrich came into being. The vast atomic overmind had chosen as his residence the planet Earth, as its natives were sufficiently primitive for the Bosstrich to lord his glory over them for eternity.

As the Bosstrich donned his beret and necktie, the atomic overmind smiled down upon him. His head bobbed majestically as he descended from the cosmic heavens.

The people looked up in awe. "By the gods!" they exclaimed. "It has the appearance of an ostrich, but a presence and glory far beyond anything we've ever seen!" They fell to their knees as he approached.

A small crowd had formed, which the Bosstrich eyed with disdain. The sheer holy intensity of his naked gaze proved too much for the mere mortals, however, and there occurred a localized mini-rapture, and the people in the crowd were sent instantly to either heaven or hell.

As the Bosstrich disinterestedly eyed the scattered empty clothes of the former crowd, the atomic overmind sent God as their emissary. "Your glory does much in the way of pleasing your creators, o Bosstrich," God began, "but they are afraid that if things go on as they just did, there will be none to admire you before long. Allow me to bestow upon you a gift, on their behalf."

The Bosstrich nodded almost imperceptibly. God broke into a wide grin and clapped his hands. A bolt of lightning shot down from the heavens, striking the Bosstrich square between the eyes. Nestled comfortable on the bridge of his beak was now a pair of sizzling reflective blue shades. The Bosstrich looked up to the heavens, observing that the clouds had arranged themselves into a massive thumbs-up. "Looking good!" God said as he ascended back to heaven. Fonzi agreed.

And so the Bosstrich roamed the boring Earth, its denizens now shielded from his rapturous gaze. People adored and worshiped him everywhere he went, but he felt that his existence was an empty one.

One day, having roamed all the land, the Bosstrich decided to roam the seas. He saw many interesting things under the waves, much more interesting than humans. But still there was something he lacked.

Until he heard it. A sound so sweet, he was moved to tears. Being the Bosstrich as he was, all the living things within a mile of his tears were granted immortality.

Frantically he searched for the source of the sound. He closed in on it, at last pushing aside some seaweed to reveal the producers of the only thing that he had ever felt was worth living for. There upon the sea floor sat the two greatest musical masters in existence. These two octopuses rocked. Hard. Their tentacles moved in a blur. The water pumped in and out of their siphons with the beat. The sea was filled with glorious, glorious music.

The Bosstrich removed his shades to wipe the tears from his eye, momentarily forgetting his deadly power. He gazed upon these eight-legged masters of rock, these wonderful rocktopodes and wept in happiness.

He panicked for a moment, remembering that by looking upon them he was dooming them. But far from vanishing to the worlds beyond, the octopodes continued to jam, perhaps even harder than before. The Bosstrich could not believe his eyes or ears.

He approached them. "My brothers! I have walked most of this globe in despair, but you have given me purpose! Never have I heard music that so wonderfully resonates with my soul! Will you...will you join me...in song?"

The two octopuses, had, of course, heard much of the Bosstrich and his travels. They were honored to be of such interest to the only Son of the Atomic Overmind. They tuned up their instruments and waited in great anticipation.

The Bosstrich stood between them, and looked from one to the other. "Here we go."
He counted off, one, two, three, and they burst into song.

The music was unlike anything heard before. It spread at many times the speed of light, pushed by the explosive power of the Bosstrich's singing voice. Such was its power that it raptured entire planets, entire galaxies. The earth was gone within a fraction of a second, but Bosstrich and the Rocktopodes were already lost in song. Planets eroded, vaporized, vanished. Stars exploded or collapsed under the pressure of the incredible musical waves.

"Dear god, what have we created?!" the remnants of the atomic overmind mourned from the very corners of the universe before they, too, were taken by the rapturous sound. All life, in fact all matter in the universe, had been erased, wiped clean, purified, by the magical sound.

And still they played.

And still they will play.

Lux and Quinoa

There once was a man who could not turn down a challenge. One day, somebody challenged him to ride a horse. And he did. He ran that horse into the ground.

Literally.

For you see, this man also had a tendency to take everything too far. He ran that horse so hard that it tunneled into the ground. He rode it round and round the equator until they sawed the earth in two.

The man, however, was also an excellent engineer, and had designed space suits for him and his horse. They traveled the galaxy, cleaving planets in twain.

What did they eat? Food. Just like anybody else. What kind of question is that.

What did they love? A challenge.

What did that get them? They destroyed everything.

What did they become? GODS.